Tetris Report: Tetris Tournament May 2007

Just when you thought Tetris Tournament couldn't get any more out of control.... WHAM! Tensions flared over some questionable last second calls, April's champion took an early exit, and an old lady across the street called the cops on the tourney. But instead of going directly to jail, this month's competitors went directly to THE EXTREME!

Download May's brackets here!

Next Tournament: June 20th, 8pm at Forest Room Five. To play next month, call 303-941-4929. www.forestroom5.com

Vinnie (left) and Paul G (right) battle in the championship match!

Last month was widely believed to be Paul's final appearance at Tetris, but those rumors were squashed as Paul walked into the room and efficiently blasted through a formidable line of opponents. Vinnie, Sarah W, Crissy! and Leslie (twice!) were no match for this man on a mission, and Paul rolled through them all like an assembly line. Now the question remains: does he come back for another month, or does he retire on top?

March's champion came into the tourney highly ranked, and scored wins against Jesse, Scotty & Joe (including a highly contentious 47-45 win over Vicky). However, Paul G sent her to the loser bracket late in the tournament, and their rematch in the Finals was a one-sided meltdown barely worth the price of addmission (Paul 14, Leslie 13, crowd zero).

It was another strong performance by Joe, who led the tournament in lines with an impressive 40.5 average. He laid waste to former it-girl Melissa Tapp and super-rookie Jon, and won a nail biter against Jesse in the loser bracket. Leslie proved to be his Achilles heel, beating him twice.

Last tournament's Rookie of the Month, Sarah Wells is quickly carving a nitch for herself in the upper echelon of players. On a tough road that featured the most matches in the tournament (eight), she managed victories against heavy hitters like Dan H. and a suddenly dangerous Crissy! It was once again Joe, her former protege, that gave her the death blow in a 40 to 33 barn burner.

Johnson looked out of sync the whole night, often seen hyperventilating in the corner or rushing to the bathroom to "pee again." He managed to knock out his bitter rival Vicky, but Joe gave him the Tetris Death Punch late in the loser bracket.

This is the Crissy! the scouts warned us about: dangerous, deadly and without remorse. After floating around the championship circle for months, Crissy! finally pulled together a campaign of domination that went through Jenny & Jeffrey, but wasn't enough to overcome Sarah W. But watch out for next month - now with confidence, Crissy might be unbeatable.

May had its share of impressive rookies (Jon, Jason, Sam), but it was Karen who proved herself with knock-out wins against Justin, Drew and Melissa Tapp. She averaged an impressive 35.2, but here's the bad news: she lives in LA and we will never see her again. That's bullshit.

Jeffrey wasn't even a blip on most scouts radar when he made his debut last month, but in May he brought his game face. He showed veteran poise against rookie Sam, and gave Rookie of the Month Karen her ticket home with a 44-38 victory. Officaly THEE player to watch.

Vinnie had an interesting strategy for defending his April championship: lose to Paul G in the first round, and then lose to Dan H. in the loser bracket. As one scout says, "We expected more." FUN FACT: There has never been a two time champion in Tetris.

One more month! One more month! Average lines: April: 42.8 May: 39.6

She's been to the championship round 3 out of the last 4 tournaments. How do you argue with that? Average lines: April: 31.3 May: 34

No longer an intriguing up-and-comer, Joe is now a seasoned veteran with a killer instinct. Average lines: April: 28.1 May: 40.5

How quickly we forget: he's a three time champion, and last month's winner, but his quick exit in May dropped him out of the top three. Next stop: comeback! Average lines: April: 52.8 May: 36

She continues to improve her game every month, while still rising through the competition. But can she take the next step? Average lines: April: 30.5 May: 35.1

Despite not making it as far in the tournament as predicted, she's still a dangerous player who simply had some unlucky drops. She also leads all female players in average lines for May. Average lines: April: 33 May: 39.5

She made it into the top six, but some reporters say her path to victory was too easy. Her response: "Stop hating." Average lines: April: 34.75 May: 36

Wears t-shirts that are too small and is possibly racist. Average lines: April: 39 May: 39.1

As ESPN reported, "Dan is the most underated player in Tetris." Proof: he swept the legs of perennial champion Vinnie, and took out Jon for good measure. Average lines: April: 23.5 May: 33.5

Calm and collected, Jeffrey can beat any player on any night. The only question is when will he put it all together for a run at the title? VOTED BEST DRESSED! Average lines: April: 30 May: 37.75

At one moment, he hesitates to even enter the tournament. The next moment, he's knocking out Justin Bunker and causing general havok in the brackets. MOST DANGEROUS PLAYER! Average lines: May: 31

Gave an impressive rookie campaign, and hinted at a strong future in the league. Average lines: May: 24

What the fuck, Luke? Average lines: April: 24.5 May: 19

Jessica had a strong debut, giving Vicky Hoehn all she could handle. An intruging player. Average lines: May: 20.5

A canidate for biggest meltdown, he needs to bring a little bit more to the table. Average lines: April: 26 May: 29.5

A no-show in May, yet sill considered competetive. MVP of the Vegas addition of Tetris. Average lines: April: 11

Where has this guy been? But when he comes back, watch the championship circle panic.

As one scout puts it: "She had a strong debut, and we're excited to see her take her talent to the limit. Average lines: May: 15.5

This player is all heart. Took former champ Leslie out in April, but a no show in May. Average lines in April: 22.75

As ESPN puts it, "You can look into Sam's eyes and see a desire to win." Watch for him on the practice court and watch for him in the Power Rankings in June. Average lines: May: 25.5

Last month's Rookie of the Month mysteriously was a no-show in May, which stirs a lot of spectulation as to how she'll play come June. Average lines: April: 25.5

Melissa Tapp's protege couldn't find her stride in May's tournament, but is still on the verge of doing some damage. Average lines: May: 21

Melissa Tapp

Melissa Tapp does her best work when her back is against the wall, and she's due for a powerhouse performance. Average lines: April: 18.6 May: 32

Scotty

Beam me up, Scotty. This player has the moves, but does he have THE FOCUS?!?! Average lines: May: 11