Tetris Report: Tetris Tournament January 2008

Tetris Tournament kicked off 2008 with a bang! The 23 competitors who braved the snow were rewarded with some special treats: custom-made buttons, several exciting overtime matches, and a celebrity appearance from CHELSEA CLINTON! Sounds crazy? Sounds Tetris!

Download January's brackets here!

Next Tournament: March 5th, 8pm, at Forest Room Five. To play next month, call 303-941-4929 or email jeopardy7@hotmail.com. www.forestroom5.com

Vinnie. (left) and Paul G. in a classic battle from earlier in the year. Watch Paul's comeback!

See other Tetris League videos here!

PAUL G: 4

LESLIE: 3

ERIC HICKS: 1

JESSE JOHNSON: 1

Those who follow Tetris know that Leslie Volkar is one of the most underrated players in the game, and it came as no surprise to fans of the League when Leslie took out heavy hitters like Vinnie, Joe Lightning, Dewey Decimator and last month's Most-Improved-Player Lenny. The championship battle featured an anticlimactic, minute-and-thirty second stomping of an out-of-sync Vinnie, and Leslie delighted in winning her third Tetris championship.

Vinnie had his chance to take the lead over Paul G in Most-Championships-Won, and momentum seemed in his favor. Big time players like Vicky, the mysterious Stacia and a coughing and wheezing Jesse Johnson couldn't stand in his way, but two losses to Leslie, once in the winner's bracket finals, and finaly in the championship, proved that this giant had met his match.

Trying to become the first player in Tetris League history to win back to back finals, Jesse Johnson proved to be his own worst enemy. Vinnie sent him to the loser's bracket early, and it was Vinnie once again who knocked him out in the loser's bracket final. His breath smelled of sardines, although he hadn't eaten any sardines in weeks. Disgusting.

The New England Patriots of Tetris, Paul G. came in ready to win. But after a shocking early round loss to Stacia, he never fully recovered, and lost to Jesse Johnson several matches later. He seemed a little off in January, and scouts wonder if he can recover for February.

January's obvious choice for Rookie of the Month, Stacia shook Tetris Stadium to its foundation when she crushed Paul G. and the impressive rookie Killer in the early rounds. However, when she met Paul G. again in the loser's bracket, she couldn't hold on. Nevertheless, a very impressive player indeed.

Last month's Most Improved Player, Lenny only added to his impressive resume in January. He notched three wins in a row in the winner's bracket over some decent competition, but the one-two punch of Leslie and Jesse proved to be too much. Will this exciting player take the next step to greatness?

After fading from the Tetris spotlight in the waining months of '07, Vicky Hoehn started the new year off right with an amazing comeback performance. Wins over Rockey Donkey and Dewey Decimator gave her some confidence, but matches against Vinnie and Paul G. gave this veteran more than she could handle. Nevertheless, welcome back to not sucking.

Fan favorite Agent Wells had the misfortune of facing Paul G. in the opening match, sending her to loser town early. But on what would be her one-year Tetrisiversary, Wells crawled her way through the loser's bracket and inched into the top eight, beating Krissy, Killer and Fritch the Bitch. But how long will fans wait for her to win the big one?

Her debut was a masterpiece - showing the poise and confidence of a playoff-tested veteran, Stacia went head to head with the gods of Tetris, giving them a run for their money all the way. Just like her brother and mentor Lenny, Stacia has the chops to go far in this league.

People were expecting the battle of a lifetime when Vinnie and Leslie met again in the championship match. Vinnie, already with one loss, would have to tighten his belt and pull out all the stops to beat Leslie twice to win his 5th Tetris Championship. Instead, Vinnie immediately laid an egg, and within seconds the match was over. This is not what people pay to see!

More of a Best Comeback than Most Improved, Vicky's performance in January reminded people why she was once considered one of the best in the game. If you didn't remember her, you remember now.

Made it to his second consecutive championship match, and despite the loss, is still the most esteemed player in Tetris.

Is one championship victory away from being in a three way tie with Vinnie and Paul G.

Still one of the most dependable players in the game.

Biggest. Man nipples. Ever!

As ESPN.com puts it, "This Tetris Player is on his way to greatness."

Can beat anyone in the league on any given night, but scouts wonder if she has the dedication to take it to the next level.

Has yet to take the next step, but still one of the most consistent and deadly players.

Had an exciting Rookie Campaign, and we're excited to see where she takes it next.

Was only one win away from the Final 8.

Always on the fringe and always underestimated, Jaberwalky can always be counted on for a couple of wins.

Second month in a row landing in the number 11 spot. When will he put some wins together for a huge performance?

Another crowd favorite in the Tetris League. Plays every game like it's his last.

Ruth

Cassi L.

Cristy